Happy Memorial Day.
Or, as Vice President Kamala Harris calls it, “Just another long weekend I get to spend remembering me!”
For those of you out there who think Memorial Day is about remembering the sacrifices of men and women in uniform, you really have no idea. What do they know about sacrifice?
Purple Heart? Silver Star? Distinguished Flying Cross?
A pasture of white crosses carved from stone?
Ha! Those are small-time trinkets for small-time grunts.
Gold Star Mom? Cry Ms. Harris a river.
Do you even know what it takes to be a woman? Just ask the vice president.
She is a real woman. Made history. You know, that kind of “history” that “well-behaved” women never make. She is the first woman vice president.
You stormed the beaches of Normandy? Literally, a walk on the beach. OK, a slight jog. With a hundred pounds of gear on your back.
But, c’mon, man!
You were on the beach! (Although it was a cloudy day. That totally sucked. Bad timing. Totally bet that a dude planned that one.)
You want to know real courage and sacrifice — true historic American accomplishment? Kamala Harris.
First of all, people mispronounce her name. Yet, still, she perseveres.
Second, nobody likes her. She was declared the next president of the United States by all the media when she announced her candidacy for the Democratic nomination. She flamed out before the first contest.
Even Democrats cannot stand her! And her cackling laugh, bathed in self-love — a perfect political product of San Francisco.
Yet, still, she persevered. That is the mettle of true sacrifice, you boys on the beach. Just ask Willie Brown.
And then, she shattered the invisible glass ceiling.
That is NOT an easy thing to do. Just ask former first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton.
It is NOT a walk (OK, trot) on the beach. First of all, it’s INVISIBLE! Second, there is nobody on the other side of it!
I mean, you know, it would be so much easier if someone was on the other side of it shooting down at you so you would know where it was because it is so invisible and confusing and dispiriting it really is so hard to go on you just want to put down your high heels and lie down and go to sleep on the beach but something inside your heroic self keeps telling you to press on and conquer the invisible glass ceiling by shattering it — you know, figuratively.
So you say “yes” on the telephone when Joe Biden calls you to be his vice president — and YOU MAKE HISTORY!
The future is WOMAN!
All by her widdle sewlf! Fweedom!
No, your computer is not broken. Look the video up on the Internet. Type in “Kamala Harris” and “fweedom.” It’s a story she stole from Martin Luther King, Jr. and modestly claims as her own.
Turns out President Biden is still the Plagiarist-in-Chief, but his little spare in a skirt is no slouch when it comes to plagiarizing in the name of political advancement. Again, see Willie Brown. And Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Befitting the true hero worthy of gigantic self-remembrance on Memorial Day, Ms. Harris took time out of her busy schedule thinking about herself to speak to the Naval Academy’s graduating class. Apparently, she misunderstood. Somebody told her it was the Navel Academy. So she gazed at it.
She had a message for those boys on the beach, who really need a lecture about true heroism from Kamala Harris.
Pack lighter! Don’t put so much heavy stuff in your ruck sack when you are storming beaches.
“Just ask any Marine today,” she squealed, peaking like a meth addict overdosing on her own self-love.
“Would she rather carry 20 pounds of batteries or solar panels? And I am positive, she will tell you a solar panel — and so would he!”
That’s right, you lazy, loser boys on the beaches of Normandy. Learn a thing or two from the ladies. Think longer; not harder!
Pack lighter and make your assistant carry everything!
Life really is a beach. And sometimes you have one as vice president, too!
• Charles Hurt is opinion editor of The Washington Times.