All this media hysteria surrounding Global Warming hoaxtress Greta Thunberg and gun-grabbing fanatic David Hogg does serve one vital purpose… We’re reminded that all children are stupid.
You know, most cultures revere their elders. Sane cultures understand that those who have been around a while, who have lived a little, who have attended the school of hard knocks and accumulated some real world experience and the wisdom that comes with it, might just be the very people we should listen to and get some advice from.
Oh, but not our culture, not Disposable America, not a consumerist society so enamored with the shiny and new there are no more repair stores, because why get something fixed when we can just chuck out the old one and get something Shiny and New from our favorite Big Box Store Shiny & New — you know, the superstore in the shiny and new strip mall where the old man had his repair shop and there was that family restaurant we used to eat at all the time, at least until Ruby Tuesday took over the vacant lot where our kids played ball until we gave them iPhones…
By all means, let’s chuck out the elders and … listen to the children.
By all means, let’s embrace the ideas of a generation running up trillions of dollar in student loans for a useless degree before they even have a job.
By all means, let’s ignore stuffy concepts like wisdom and experience. Instead, let’s hand our futures over to teenagers who have never paid a bill, never faced a real responsibility, and have no idea what it means to be on your own in a tough and unfair world that you’re gunna have to crack open if you want a place for yourself.
By all means, let’s hand the power to shape the world over to those who were sitting in their own poop on 9/11.
Better still, let’s hand our futures over, not just to children, but to spoiled children, to children who already have their own yacht, to someone right out of Children of the Corn who sports a black arm band and says things like, We’re just waiting for you die.
Yep, that’s who I want in charge of my health care.
Certainly, there’s no shortage of stupid adults in America. Have you watched cable news?
But not all adults are stupid…
However, all children are stupid.
Oh, sure, some children have a high IQ and bright futures, but all children are stupid because they haven’t done anything, they haven’t experienced anything, their brains are still forming … literally.
Why in the name of science and sanity would we even take a little seriously someone who’s brain is not yet fully formed?
You want to know how else I know all children are stupid? Because I was a child once and I was stupid and all the children I knew at the time were stupid.
Oh, sure, like every teenager, I thought I was pretty smart, thought I knew it all; no one could tell me anything. But the truth is that I was an idiot, an idiot too stupid to know I didn’t know everything; and I did a lot of stupid and thoughtless things, and I lied a lot and was obnoxious and narcissistic and selfish and immature and thoughtless. And every kid in my school was just like me. Sure, many were better than me, some were worse, but we were all stupid because all children are stupid.
Arrogance is not wisdom, remembering to take the garbage out half the time is not assuming responsibility, school is not real life, getting a handjob from Mary Jo Clutterbuck under the viaduct does not season you, and driving to your McDonald’s job in a car paid for by your parents does not make you a man.
You want to know when all this listen to the children horseshit started?
During the Vietnam War protests.
Listen to children we were told.
But like all children, those children protesting the war were spoiled little selfish liars.
Those kids weren’t protesting against the Vietnam War…. The truth is what they were doing is what all spoiled little selfish liars do — making up a big, fat lie to avoid responsibility. When the military draft came to an end, so did the anti-war movement. The war itself would rage for another three years without a peep from the anti-war movement.
Look at all the lies and whining and drama and excuses your child will come up with just to get out of mowing the lawn or cleaning their rooms. The whole anti-war movement was nothing more than a spoiled tantrum transferred to the military draft, and all this Global Warming and anti-gun activism is just an excuse for children to yell at adults because there is nothing children enjoy more than getting away with yelling at adults … especially from their own yacht!
Hey, that’s what children do!
I don’t blame the children for that. I happen to like young people. They might be stupid little liars, but most of them are decent, interesting, and fun. Most of them are trying to be better, to grow up, to be adults, and eager to embrace the real-life experiences that can make that happen.
No, the people I blame are the cynical, manipulative, and stupid adults who tell us to listen to the children.
Sorry, not gunna happen.
If my 53 years have taught me anything, it’s that the only person dumber than a child is the adult who listens to them.